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Even with a faceful of chocolate, my girl is absolutely beautiful

It started at a much younger age than I ever thought possible.

My baby, my darling four-year-old I affectionately call The Girl, came home from preschool last week with this pronouncement: "I want to be Juliet."

I didn't think much of it at first. I figured Juliet got a toy she wanted, or maybe Juliet got to go home from daycare earlier than my baby. So I said, "And why do you want to be Juliet?"

"Because she is so beautiful," The Girl said.

Oh. My. Goodness. First of all, strangers constantly stop me on the street to tell me how gorgeous my little one is. I walked into a modeling agency once not too long ago for my son to audition, but the talent scouts were all over The Girl. My daughter has a natural tan glow, stunning green eyes, and long, black eyelashes. She's so pretty it melts my heart.

But even if she weren't - because truly, most four-year-old girls are indeed gorgeous little creatures - it's so terribly sad that already she doesn't think she's pretty.

Later last week, I let The Girl try on her Halloween costume (SuperGirl). She put it on and brought me the package, on which a little blonde girl with pigtails was modeling the costume. "I want to be HER," said my baby.

This time, when I asked why, I understood why she also wanted to be Juliet. "Because she has blonde hair and blue eyes and is so pretty!" she exclaimed. (Juliet is also blonde and blue-eyed.)

It's amazing to me that at four years old, she's already "decided" what beauty is. Where did she learn that? And how can I help her to redefine beauty and to recognize that hair color and eye color mean absolutely nothing?

I used to ask her all the time, "What's more important, to be beautiful or to be smart?" She knew what I wanted to hear was "smart," but she is more clever than that and would tell me, "Both!" But eventually, my husband started answering my question differently. "Neither," he says. "It's more important to be a good person and love other people." He's definitely right, of course. And I'm left with wondering whether my emphasis on teaching my daughter that being smart and independent is so important has backfired in an unintended way: have I made her believe she's not beautiful?

I'm sure I'm not alone in feeling like the ugly duckling who turned into a swan. Growing up, I was embarrassed about my weight, I didn't know how to cut or style my hair, I wore ridiculous amounts of makeup that looked absolutely foolish, I had no sense of style. It took a long time to figure these things out, and now, at 32 years old, I finally feel like I'm fairly attractive. I want so much for my baby to avoid feeling like the ugly duckling. I want to instill in her a sense of self-confidence and happiness about her looks, regardless of whether she's supermodel material or a plain Jane. And I don't want her to wait until she's in her 30s to feel that way!

But I fear I'm fighting a lost cause. The stereotype of the beautiful blonde has crept its way into our lives. So what do I do - ban Barbie dolls? Never let her watch TV?

And I don't just want to start telling her how gorgeous she is. It would be so easy. But I know I'm not wrong to try to focus on her intellect, her charm, and her goodness. But try explaining to a four-year-old that it's the whole package that makes someone beautiful and you'll be met with a blank stare.

All I can do, I guess, is continue to love her and praise all of the wonderful things she is and does. Oh, and I'm never dying my hair blonde again.