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I cannot believe this child thinks she's fat and ugly

My baby, The Girl, came home from school recently with this pronouncement:

"I am the fattest girl in my class!"

Just like during this fall's crisis - she is not blonde, therefore she is not "pretty" - I was caught completely off-guard. I didn't know children of that age could have a negative body image!

And just as my daughter is not ugly, she is also not fat. If I were to compare her to the other little girls in her class, I would say one is thinner, one is the same, and two are chubbier. But I would never, never say that to her!

It breaks my heart to think she already feels she doesn't measure up - to what I'm not sure. But I didn't want to just laugh off her concerns; I don't think that would be helpful.

I said to her, very calmly, "Baby girl, you are not fat. But if you're worried about being healthy, there are some things you can do every day. First, you can make sure you get exercise every day. You can run around with your friends outside, or take walks, or play tetherball. Do you like to play with your friends?"

She said she did, so I continued.

"Next, you can make sure you choose healthy foods - fruits, vegetables, meat, bread - and only eat a little bit of candy, chips, and ice cream. What do you think about that?"

"Well, I like unhealthy foods," she said, tears welling up.

"So do I! And we can have them, but not all the time. Do you understand?"

She said yes, and we changed the subject.

A few days later, her friend came over to visit. They asked to bake cupcakes. I agreed, and we had a good time baking, frosting, and eating chocolate cupcakes (one each only, of course). Later that afternoon, The Girl was with her dad, and somehow convinced him to buy her a bag of M&Ms. I saw them as she was already starting to eat the candy, so I said to my husband, "She did have a cupcake this afternoon. Probably candy wasn't such a good idea."

He agreed, but at that point it was too late to just take away the candy. We don't contradict one another in front of the children. So I said to The Girl, "Hey. Remember how you already had a cupcake, and that's unhealthy food? M&Ms are unhealthy, too. What do you think about only eating some of the bag, and giving the rest to me to save for another day?"

She started to argue. "But the bag is already open, so the candy will go bad!"

I laughed. Good logic, but not chocolate-covered peanuts. I explained they would not go bad, but she wouldn't look at me. I knew she wasn't going to give up that candy.

A few minutes later, though, I heard a small voice say, "Mommy?" I turned around, and there was my baby, handing me the bag of M&Ms - half full. "You can put these away for another time," she said.

I smiled. Victory tastes sweeter than chocolate candies.