Your Kid's a Poor Excuse

Posted January 15, 2010

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Posted Friday January 15, 2010 by Jackie Morgan MacDougall

It was a simple Facebook status that a friend of mine posted.

Dilemma: Birthday party starts in 5 min, but [3-year-old] is still sleeping. Do I wake him and go or let him sleep (while I relax) and miss the party?

We've all been there. Kid's not feeling well... or your day has been a comedy of errors and you want to hide under the covers. The last thing you want to do is suffer through a class party when you could be spending the afternoon without sticky-fingered screaming munchkins filling up on sugar and fighting over goodie bags. Seriously, have you ever been between a little girl and a pink princess ring pop? It's not advisable. I don't think I know any moms who really like taking kids to birthday parties. But we do it, because we're moms.

It wasn't my friend's question that really got to me. It was the many responses encouraging her to forego the party and recharge at home. Am I the only mom who thinks you should honor you commitments? Not only has the mom throwing the party spent a lot of time, money and energy throwing her child a memorable occasion, the guest of honor - a child -- is expecting you. We never really know the relationship between the kids while they're at school and it's not fair to set an innocent kid up for disappointment on their birthday.

I'm not saying you should peel yourself off the bathroom floor and go party if you're not feeling well. We certainly can't predict life with kids. But there seems to be a loose "hey, stuff happens" kind of attitude that some women get the second they become moms. Like they're willing to commit, unless it creates work for them.

To them, I say... you may think it doesn't make a difference whether your child goes or not. But what if another mom thought that... or five moms. Suddenly, you have half the kids showing up when the mom paid for a full count. Or maybe they had to skip inviting a few other kids because the venue could only hold so many. Why do you think it's ok?

I know I'm no angel. In fact, there have been a couple of occasions an invitation has come home with my daughter's preschool artwork and I've completely flaked on answering. And I'm still kicking myself for the kindergarten classmate's party we did commit to and I realized we missed it a few days after the party actually happened.

And it's not just the RSVP issue. The whole question and Facebook debate got me to thinking... do moms often use their kids as an excuse for their own bad behavior?

Think about it. If you've ever told someone that you had a sick kid (when it wasn't entirely true) to get out of a party or appointment, you're guilty. If you've ever been late because you thought you could fit in one more task but blamed your child, you're guilty. If you're one of the many who leave restaurant tables covered with half the contents of your purse or floors covered in smashed up Goldfish but think it's ok because you have kids, you're guilty. (Psst... I'm guilty of two out of three. I'm not telling which two.)

Kids are a ton of work. I'm the first to shout it from the Gymboreee rooftop. But maybe we should create limits and boundaries ahead of time so we aren't responsible for screwing up another person's day... or worse.

Because if I have to make a fool out of myself by dressing up as a Fairy Godmother and your kid doesn't show up to enjoy it, it's them I'm turning into a pumpkin.

Jackie Morgan MacDougall, on the never-ending quest for balance, enjoys life in Los Angeles with her husband, Jeff, and their three small kids. Read more of her take on parenting, kids and everything else on The Silver Whining.

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