Working Moms = Hated Kids?

Posted March 05, 2010

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Posted Friday March 5, 2010 by Jackie Morgan MacDougall

Are you a working mom? What would you say if I told you that because you have a job outside the home, people don't like your kid?

Sounds ridiculous, right?

A new study at Kansas State University shows that it's not just moms now who are judged by whether they stay at home or not, but people also see their children and the mom/kid relationship differently.

Some findings:

• Moms employed full-time outside the home are devalued and their kids are seen as "troubled," experiencing bad parent/child relationships.

• Participants didn't view at-home moms much differently that those "middle moms" who find a work/home balance.

Jennifer Livengood, a K-State grad student in psychology says, "People like mothers who fulfill traditional stereotypes, like staying at home. That's just not a reality and not a preference for women as much as it used to be."

My first question was to ask where Kansas State University was able to find a time machine to go back to 1950. We are in a recession here, people. Working moms are necessary. And in case you haven't noticed by your female pediatrician, police officer or teacher, women - yes, even those beloved moms - are necessary in the work force. And while I am one of those lucky ones who fit in that funny little "middle mom" category, when I look at the kids of my working mom friends, I see children who have learned social skills, the ability to engage in independent play? and - wait for it -- even help around the house (gasp!).

Upon further inspection, I read that the participants in the study were unmarried undergrad students, 99 percent of whom have no kids. Yeah, I get what they're trying to do here, but I also had ideas of what a perfect mom looked like before I had kids. The idea of playing Barbies and reading the same book 500 times was a fantasy. Now it's a sometimes very mind-numbing reality.

Plus, if you're going to judge me less because I am that "middle mom' who works from home, you should probably also know that because I try to do it all at the same time, I yell more often, slap down frozen waffles for dinner and feed my kids Costco pizza in the parking lot when I'm trying to buy toilet paper and take a conference call at the same time. That full-time working mom probably comes home ready to hear about the kids' day, and isn't stealing glimpses at email while the kids are engaged in swim class or Tae Kwon Do.

While I can appreciate studies that highlight the psychology behind public perception of moms, I think they'd get a more authentic response if they instead send those single participants into the homes of the mothers, putting themselves into moms' - both employed and at-home -- worn-out shoes. Seven loads of laundry, one unappreciated meal and a sleepless night rubbing the back of a vomiting kid, I bet they'd be singing a very different tune, praising the work of all moms - working or otherwise.

Jackie Morgan MacDougall, on the never-ending quest for balance, enjoys life in Los Angeles with her husband, Jeff, and their three small kids. Read more of her take on parenting, kids and everything else on The Silver Whining and her crazy mission to get her life together on Surviving 39.