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Posted Friday February 19, 2010 by Jackie Morgan MacDougall

Being smack-dab-in-the-middle of a "do we or don't we" parenting dilemmas can feel like life or death. While our most recent quandary is about kindergarten and a son with a late birthday, you can pretty much swap our situation out with like a kajillion others and find other moms and dads equally stressing over something that will ultimately unravel as no big deal.

Reminding myself that this really isn't the end of the world, either way we decide, is what has actually keeps me from going off the deep end. I can't help but chuckle when I think back to those things that seemed so huge not too long ago that now, after either enough time or more kids, seem almost ridiculous. Of course, I enlisted the help of my friends to fill in the rest.

Top 10 Funny Parent Freak Outs

The Poop Panicker: How many of us died a little when we were told that we could actually poop while trying to push out a baby? For Analiza, it was a huge fear. But now she laughs, saying it was "the last time in ten years someone was changing my diaper." Besides, would we really freak out over it if we knew we'd end up pooping in front of a tiny audience for years to come, never getting a second alone in the bathroom?

The Human-Waste Worrier: Speaking of poop, Melissa says her husband was terrified of  "changing a #2 filled diaper." Little did he know, that wouldn't compare with the terror that is teenagers. And Colleen remembers the first time one of her kids pooped in the bath. "I remember screaming and totally panicking that I couldn't get her out of there quick enough. Then after emptying the tub, wondering if I had to scrub and sanitize before filling it up again to finish the bath."

The Dictator: Susan was no stranger to pen and paper when she first became a mom, recording every little thing. Christine agrees, "I wrote EVERYTHING down w/ my first -- when he was fed, how much he ate, when he napped, when he got a diaper changed. I was thinking that like somehow if I forgot to write down how much he ate and when he ate that I was going to forget to feed him again!"

The Schedule Stickler: We all know one (maybe we are one), the mom who has so much structure at home, she can't even imagine breaking the routine. She'll forego any event (no matter how much it might mean to others) if it gets in the way of the all-important naptime. Judy admits, "I had a 10-step ritual that I did every night before I put my oldest son down to sleep. I stressed that if I missed one step, he would stay awake all night screaming his brains out." Renee looks back at those first months wishing she had realized that was the time "they were so easy and portable but I got so stressed out. Now I realize how easy they are before they can MOVE!" Karen agrees and laughs about how, in the long run, it really didn't matter, admitting that while she was militant with the first couple of kids, "with appointments, activities and all that was going on, my fourth child grew up in the car."

The Developmental Diva (AKA The Milestone Maniac): I swear I remember a time when I would sit around with other new mom friends and compare our children. Could it really be possible we put so much stock in whether they were rolling over, sitting up or cruising around the furniture? With a first kid, we use milestones as a pat on the back. It's like you can breathe easy knowing you're a good mom if your kid happens to get a tooth first. Karen laughs, remembering that with her fourth child, "I can tell you that my daughter reached her milestones but I can't tell you when."

And it doesn't end at babies. Melissa admits, "Mine was worrying that when my younger son started kindergarten, he still couldn't read." Of course under all that pressure, she didn't realize that her son was developmentally right on par.

The Dress Obsesser: When my son was 3, he would always choose to wear dresses while doing dramatic play in preschool. I actually lost sleep over it, afraid he would end up one of those kids on Oprah describing how he always knew he was a girl. If I had really understood it was normal and that I wouldn't eventually find him in my closet swiping my things, I would've enjoyed those days before my daughter arrived, and dressed up with him!

Karen laughs right along with me. Her first son had a fascination with Barbies, whom he deemed "Cindy dolls." It took us a while to realize he thought they looked like my cousin's wife. I think he just liked her. I couldn't blame him, she's pretty and very nice."

The Picture Imperfect: How many of us grew up wondering where the pics of the youngest child were? It seems that the first kid's every breath is documented in photos, where any other kid maybe gets a snapshot of only the main events in life - birthdays, graduations and occasionally caught in the background of the first kid's accomplishments. (This is the only one I am not guilty of - hooray for me!)

The Baby Booker: This is where most of us apologize to any kid that comes after the first one. While I still took as many photos of kids #2 and 3, stopping to mention every bowel movement in a book took a backseat to actually raising the kids. I'm not alone. Karen adds that she recorded less and less with each subsequent kid, giving #4 the shaft. "I don't even know if her name is in her baby book."

The Potty Trainer: If I had a penny for every time a mom wondered if her kid would learn to use the toilet, let's just say I wouldn't have to spend Sundays cutting coupons. There are countless companies who capitalize on this fear, selling books, songs, movies and even chairs that light up and ring when a kid pees or poops to moms who think their kid will be the only one in history to graduate high school wearing a Pull Up. Now that I find myself constantly cleaning up after two boys with terrible aim, I often fantasize about those days of contained bodily fluids.

The Child Proofer: For many of us, we padlock cabinets and tape soft cushions to anything that might even hint at being a danger. I remember the first time a guest tried to navigate around our kitchen, needing special magnets to open the cabinets and practically a secret password to get into our oven. And if a kid ever took a tumble? Mark says, with his first boy, any fall sent them to the hospital - FAST. Flash-forward to the fourth boy, "any fall brings a chuckle and no hospital visit unless it's three stitches or more. Anything less is a cool cut."

While we laugh now, these stages did seem all-important at the time. Now, it's our job to stifle the giggles and offer up support and perspective and not make those going through it feel any worse than they possibly do. Because for every mom you laugh at, there's a mom ahead of you in the game who thinks what you're stressing out over is pretty damn silly.

Jackie Morgan MacDougall, on the never-ending quest for balance, enjoys life in Los Angeles with her husband, Jeff, and their three small kids. Read more of her take on parenting, kids and everything else on The Silver Whining.

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