The Evolution of Motherhood

Posted February 01, 2011

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Posted Tuesday, February 1, 2011 by Jackie Morgan MacDougall

Once upon a time in the '70s, there was a bottle fed, TV-watchin', sugar cereal-eating, occasionally -spanked little girl who walked to school, wore her brothers' hand-me-downs and even spent time babysat by relatives when her parents took much-needed annual vacations.

If this little girl were raised today, there's a good chance her parents would be judged, ridiculed and possibly turned into authorities -- or at the very least, blogged about. Because while it may have taken a village to raise a kid back then, the same village now sits by, waiting for the chance to point the finger at another's parenting decisions.

Which is likely why a recent survey revealed that two-thirds of the moms questioned admit they have lied about their personal motherhood experiences. Who hasn't hidden the takeout wrappers while insisting she only cooks well-balanced, nutritious meals? And how many of us really spend countless hours on the floor enjoying educational games with the kids? How can you blame anyone for lying when she's only trying to avoid the disapproving gaze of a judgmental, competitive mom?

Who, in my opinion, isn't entirely at fault either.

Think about it... from the minute we wake up, we're bombarded with conflicting "expert" advice and debates over what's the right/wrong way to raise our kids. I think many moms feel like a good defense is a strong offense -- attack or be attacked. If you're the one pointing the finger, maybe no one will notice that you're as clueless as the rest.

I wonder if Chinese-American author Amy Chua thought of that, before starting a Eastern VS Western parenting war with her just-released book "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother"? In it, she vehemently stands behind her negative opinion of American mothers, choosing to raise her own daughters with an iron fist, the way she was raised. Her personal stories, like forcing one daughter to forego dinner (and even bathroom breaks) until she was able to master a piano piece, or how she rejected her child's artwork, insisting she deserves something of better quality, have incited outrage by American moms and media alike.

Doesn't she know this is a country that rewards trophies for just showing up?

Chua made her own (I'm guessing perfectly neat) bed by airing her contentious opinion, but not all moms ask to become the center of a parenting controversy. Who could forget mom and lawyer, Madlyn Primoff, who was both villified and idolized in the media last year after her arrest for forcing her bickering tweens to get out of the car and walk three miles home in an upscale, upstate New York neighborhood? Do you think she thought for a second that she'd not only be arrested, but become the poster child for bad mothering?

It's bad enough to live in fear that our neighbor will hear us yelling at the kids or witness an act of bribery with a bag of Cheetos, but when we're afraid that we'll become the blogosphere's next hot topic or featured on a special like CNN's "Extreme Parenting," things have gone way too far. We've gone from a village society to trying to survive on on our own personal island; fighting others off with polarizing debates over personal decisions like breastfeeding, staying at home and discipline. And it's no wonder! We're constantly blamed for screwing up our kids... whether it's TV and video games, the plastic in their drinking cups or the order in which they're born, there's always something we're doing wrong. One minute, we need to feed our kids' minds... and the next, they're too scheduled... who can keep up? And just today, results were released of a study that claims parents are hurting kids by allowing them to run. Can you imagine?

It's no wonder we turn on each other. Motherhood is the ultimate survival of the fittest. But imagine how strong we'd be if we actually chose to support one another instead of competing with each other. We'd not only create a stronger community for our kids, we might actually discover we have more in common than we thought.

Something that will come in handy if we wind up roommates in the same nursing home.

Jackie Morgan MacDougall is a TV-executive turned parenting blogger who lives a crazy life with her husband and three small kids. Her dreams of climbing the corporate ladder have been replaced by the dream of one day having a nap. You can find more of her musings at The Silver Whining.

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