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Real moms take on real issues

From the Hip

Real moms take on real issues

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Secret to Mom's Sanity

Posted December 09, 2009
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Posted Wednesday, December 9, 2009 by Jackie Morgan MacDougall


I've got a secret.

I found the surefire way to decrease stress, take years off my face and keep me laughing so hard, I nearly pee my pants.

No, it's not the latest Hollywood cosmetic surgery or even the latest Twilight guilty pleasure. It's as simple as making time with my girlfriends.

Pre-kids Jackie would call up a friend on a Sunday morning and spend the day brunching, shopping and primping. We would talk about absolutely everything... and sometimes, nothing. It was so easy to just be, knowing your friend having her calluses scrubbed and eyebrows threaded next to you was there, unconditionally, no matter what. We would vent about how that "perfect" guy never calls when he says he will, encourage each other when we were up for that big promotion at work and even hold back one another's hair after we celebrated that promotion a bit too hard.

Now my friendships look more like a big, disappointing game of phone tag. And just when you think it's finally safe to make contact, there's a kid nearby ready to pounce, needing the immediate answer to "THE most important question EVER!" Seriously, it gets to the point where I sometimes consider giving up, resolved to just be the wife/mom lady, leaving fun, spontaneous, jump-in-the-fountain-on-a-dare me in the past... along with skinny jeans and high-heeled boots.

But then I remember how I feel when I actually get girl time.

On a recent and very rare escape, my best girlfriend and I ran away from the reality of kids, relationships, bills and work and embarked on a weekend getaway. I think we started laughing the second we boarded the plane and didn't stop for so long, my face physically hurt. We couldn't stop talking about anything and everything, speeding from one topic to the next, trying to jam six years of friendship into two short days.

Before you think, "I could never take the time," consider this. Isolation, lack of support and "super woman syndrome" are three key factors in exacerbating post partum depression. So what makes us think it's any different as our kids get older? You think babies are hard? Add kids with demanding schedules, homework, eye-rolling and talking back you've got a recipe for one overwhelmed, overworked mom. Don't you think we all deserve to check out once in a while?

But I know not all of us have the benefit being able to call up a lifelong friend for dinner or even coffee. But sometimes new friends can be just what the mom doctor ordered. Here are a few tried and true ways to meet other like-minded mamas.

• MOPS: I recently met a group of ladies who invited me to speak at their once-a-week Mothers of Preschoolers group. In less than an hour, each of the seven women had shared such honest and raw fears, frustrations and victories, completely safe from judgment.. One woman admitted to me that she had recently gotten out of an abusive marriage and moved her children to safety across the state and in with her parents. While her story was one of courage and determination, she credited the group's support for helping her through the darkest day.

• Moms Club: With over 100,000 members around the country, Moms Club is a great resource for those looking to connect with other moms in the same area. I joined my local Moms Club after moving to my new hometown four years ago and I'm lucky to say the moms I met still play an important role in my life.

Playground: The park isn't just for kids. Ask around and you'll find that lots of moms actually meet as the kids play. Some admit yes, it can be awkward... but putting yourself out there just once could be step #1 to meeting your new BFF - or at least playdate co-host.

As for my exotic weekend away, it didn't go so well afterall. I ended up in a strange hospital in excruciating pain with gallstones just 24 hours after leaving home, requiring surgery just before the holidays. While the weekend was pretty much a bust, it did remind me why I became friends with Christine in the first place and how important it is to make time for her, and myself. And let's be honest, there's nothing like a health scare in a unknown town to send you running back home to the hubby and kids, never wanting to let go of them again.


Jackie Morgan MacDougall, on the never-ending quest for balance, enjoys life in Los Angeles with her husband, Jeff, and their three small kids. Read more of her take on parenting, kids and everything else on The Silver Whining.

Related Articles on Family.com:

Are You a Bad BFF?

Should Moms Be Selfish?

Girls Night Out (Or In)

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Secret to Mom's Sanity

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