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Posted Monday March 29, 2010 by Jackie Morgan MacDougall

I remember the April Fools' Days of yesteryear. I would concoct a plan that was so tricky, so complicated, that 11^th  grade trigonometry would look simple next to my April Fools' joke.

Once, I invited my friend to the "hottest party of the year." As she got dolled up and headed out to meet up with us, she arrived at a male friend's house just in time to greet him and his date as they were heading out for a romantic evening. Now I would've never pulled such a prank on someone who wouldn't appreciate it. She and I still laugh about how awkward it was for Steve, trying to explain to his new girlfriend why this tall blonde was skipping up the driveway to meet him.

Since becoming a mom, April Fools' jokes have become a little less prank, a lot more cutesy. Putting a toy in my son's shoe, serving dinner for breakfast, and having the kids tell Daddy that they don't actually have school that day are about as crazy as it gets around here. What does that say about me?

As moms, are we making necessary changes or losing the person we used to be?

In a recent Motherlode column, Lisa Belkin highlights philosopher Elisabeth Badinter, author of, "Le Conflit, La Femme et La Mère," ("The Conflict, the Woman and the Mother"). Her book (not available in the US) is flying off shelves in France and makes controversial statements about moms, and how these days, we need to be less controlled by our little ones and exercise our right to be women first.

Badinter tells writer Adam Sage that babies are tiny tyrants, turning motherhood into a world of slavery.  Between taking drags on her endless supply of cigarettes, the mother of three and grandma tells Sage, "You don't enter a religious order when you have children. Today, we're told we're not allowed to smoke, to eat unpasteurised cheese or seafood or even to a drink a glass of wine when we are pregnant. It's time to stop all that."

Badinter adds that the whole green movement has also contributed to the demise of mothers as women. "Between the protection of trees and the liberty of women, my choice is clear," she says. "It may seem derisory, but powdered milk, jars of baby food and disposable nappies were all stages in the liberation of women."

While she's extreme (just a bit, huh?), her underlying point is definitely interesting, if not spot on. It's not just my April Fools' jokes that have changed since having my three kids. I used to be that girl who would jump in a fountain on a whim, laugh the loudest during a night out with friends, and take risks - not just in my extracurricular activities like skydiving, but in my professional and personal life as well. Now each move I make feels perfectly calculated, the kids always being my number one priority. While some might say that makes me a good mom, I bet Badinter would wave her cigarette-toting finger at me, accusing me of being run by child dictators.

What do other moms think? Have they also completely transformed into someone they don't recognize? Analiza actually credits her kids for uncovering her true self. "I think a little bit of my REAL personality came out with each child's birth. I no longer felt like I had a choice with hiding my flaws when at the mercy of sleep deprivation."

Janice, mom of 5-year-old Jenna, says having her daughter has made her less selfish. "Now making the choice of getting my nails done or spending time coloring with Jenna is a no-brainer. I used to dream about having it all, and then I look at her and realize I already do."

But it's Renee who says "I don't even recognize myself anymore," who I relate to most. While I, too, would choose kids over manicures, is that really the right thing to do? What's wrong with kids seeing that we're women first, taking care of our own personal needs? I remember back as a child, my parents going out on weekend nights, taking week-long kid-free vacations, and having friends over 'til the wee hours of the morning. Guess what? Not only did I survive all that, I saw my parents as a solid team who enjoyed each other's company. It's a message I want to send to my own children as well.

If you ever dated in your 20s, you probably came across that guy who thought the sun rose and set on him and him alone. You know what I think about that guy? He had a mom who gave up everything to make life comfortable and enjoyable for him. While I would die for my children, I also let them know that there are other people in this world - including myself - and sometimes they can't come first. And while I will lie down with them when they are sick and be there to celebrate when they get that first t-ball hit of the season, I refuse to continue the trend of mothers who take each breath only for their children. There's a reason on planes they tell adults to grab the oxygen mask for themselves before helping children. Because without our own air to breathe, we can't possibly be a benefit to them.

Starting now, I'm taking back my life, my boisterous laugh and my April Fools' jokes. This year, you better watch out... because you just might be my target.

Jackie Morgan MacDougall is a TV-executive turned parenting blogger who lives a crazy life with her husband and three small kids. Her dreams of climbing the corporate ladder have been replaced by the dream of one day having a nap.

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