Is Madonna More Than a Material Mom?

Posted April 02, 2009

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Madonna is adopting a second child from Malawi.

By Jackie Morgan MacDougall

It's easy to imagine a celebrity's to-do list could look something like this...

Have my people get eggs/milk
Photo shoot
Find foreign child to adopt
Mani/pedi

It's couples like Brangelina who make foreign adoption look more like a casual hobby -- like antiquing or collecting stamps -- and not something as difficult as the reality of parenting. But now, Madonna is the star du jour getting attention for adopting internationally. She's said to be close to getting court approval to adopt 4-year-old Mercy James from the country of Malawi, from the same orphanage she previously adopted now 3-year-old son David.

But you didn't think Madonna could do anything - never mind something so important as adoption -- without attracting controversy, did you? According to the child's 61-year-old grandmother, Mercy's 18-year-old mother died five days after her birth. Since then, the plan's been that grandma would actually get custody of her granddaughter when she turns 6. She told the Sun: 'Why doesn't this singer pick other children? It is stealing. I want to go to court, I won't let her go.'

Wait, you can give up a child and plan to go back for her six years later? Call me crazy but I bet there are some parents in this country who might think that's not such a bad idea, after the 100th dinner-time toddler tantrum.

OK, but seriously.

Spokesman Dominic Nutt of Save the Children is also not impressed with Madonna's intentions, saying that the first priority should be to keep orphans with extended family in their home country and suggested international adoption can make matters worse. Don't get me wrong, being the mother of an internationally adopted child myself, I absolutely agree with the importance in keeping a child connected with their birth culture. I've read, heard stories, and have even spoken with adult adoptees who were moved from their homeland. Their biggest complaint was their parents' expectation that they would "just adapt" and not feel loss and confusion -- an attitude that's naïve, if not ignorant.

But I don't know one expert who would agree that leaving a child in institutionalized care -- craving unconditional love and affection day after day -- solely to keep them residing their birth country, could possibly be beneficial to the well being of a child. While Nutt says, 'The very existence of orphanages encourages poor parents to abandon children in the hope that they will have a better life,' I would have to say the very existence of these same orphanages does allow children a better life. My daughter, who came to the U.S. from Taiwan at 19 months old, was receiving incredible care from the wonderful nannies who fed, bathed and clothed her. But that's not the same as having a mother.

Those nannies worked in shifts, leaving after eight hours to go home to those they love. My daughter wasn't rocked and cuddled and loved unconditionally -- but she is now. Every child alive deserves to have all of his needs met - physical, mental and emotional. And there's absolutely no way that can happen under orphanage circumstances. To Nutt's credit, he was trying to shed light on some of the less than scrupulous big business agencies that don't follow in-country laws and turn to illegal means to match children with new parents. And if adoption is the path you're on, you should absolutely heed his warning and do your research. But to dismiss the countless parents who live to provide a loving home for their adopted children, insinuating it's all part of a plan to buy babies... I know I speak for more than just myself when I say he is wrong.

Besides, we're talking about Madonna here. You know who she is, right? Cone bras, gyrating on stage, parading her post-divorce boy toys around the world... I bet David and Mercy might have some issues with mom in their lifetime, but I'm guessing the biggest complaint won't be that they were taken from their birth country.

Mr. Nutt, I think you're picking the wrong battle.

Jackie Morgan MacDougall, on the never-ending quest for balance, enjoys life in Los Angeles with her husband, Jeff, and their three small kids.

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