Is Kate Gosselin Just Like Us?

Posted May 03, 2010

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Posted Monday April 26, 2010 by Jackie Morgan MacDougall

Let's imagine, if you will, that your BFF was the mom of eight kids -- six of them the exact same age. She's overwhelmed, confused and recently divorced. Her half-man, half-boy ex-husband travels the country wearing silly clothes bashing her in the media every chance he gets (well, that's when he's not enjoying the company of misguided young girls). Your friend knows she better find work because the man/boy has no intentions of nailing down a steady job. It's not that your friend hasn't made some questionable decisions and she's certainly not innocent in the demise of her family unit. But you love her anyway. Because she's human and flawed and, most of all, your friend.

Then there's Kate Gosselin. While she's not exactly mother of the year (neither am I, if you must know), I really don't get why America hates her so much. Is she really so much worse than the rest of us? Or is it that catty, judgmental women are just using her as another example to bring down fellow moms?

Let's take a look, shall we? When I asked some mom-friends what it is they despise most about Kate, the top three choices (over and over) were...

She put her kids on TV. Ok, this is a valid point. But I'm willing to bet at least half of you reading this would also jump at the chance if you knew you were going to get money to support your family plus a whole lot of free stuff. Look at all the people who blog about their kids or put them on YouTube? Are we any better?

She belittles her husband. Mmm hmmm, because I don't hear that happening in anyone else's home. I see friends around me in regular battles with their spouse, tossing words around that would make a trucker blush. But their lives are just not interesting enough to grab a chair and belly up to the popcorn.

She's too centered on herself and career This particular comment intrigues me most because it's one of the constant struggles many moms can relate to. In the US, nearly three quarters of moms work, some with travel or more than one job. Is Kate any different? Lisa, a mom of four, says, "Kate made herself by being "mom" to eight kids. Now she is anything but mom, and the kids are paying for it."

Sure, some think making her a bulls eye comes along with the fame territory, but she's not the only one who is criticized by moms. Stacy Kaiser, family therapist and author of How to Be a Grownup [Harper One 25.99] says that judgment is the universal language of some mothers. "Moms judge other moms to begin with. But because Kate puts herself out there, she is an even bigger target. Just like the PTA president or the mom who runs the Girl Scout troop, the more you put yourself out there, the more moms will talk more about you."

When it comes to Kate's on-camera behavior, Kaiser says the onus isn't entirely on the mom of eight. "It's not all Kate's fault. Jon has done a bunch of things to draw attention to them as well. And we know everybody snaps at their spouse at some time but she snapped at her husband a lot. The rest of us feel like we're different because we'd be on best behavior in front of the camera. But if you're watched enough, they will see your flaws."

While I wouldn't consider myself a Kate fan, I can't help but feel bad when even her own brother has turned against her, recently accusing her of being a bad parent after the kids were duped to think it was Christmas so the TV crew could get a "genuine reaction." He said, "It wasn't until after, later that they were told it was not Christmas morning .... Can you imagine how confused eight little kids were that morning?" He goes on to say how damaging it is for them to be on TV. Yeah, but it's not damaging to crap on your sister in the press. Just sayin'.

Anyone who's been a mom for more than ten minutes can at least agree, we all make choices that turn out anything but how we planned. If we could just (for a second) put ourselves in Kate's dancing shoes, wouldn't you be wondering how you went from agreeing to put your family on a little cable show to becoming the country's most hated mom? While the grass may look freshly manicured on her side of the fence, I'll take my overgrown, under-watered lawn any day.

Jackie Morgan MacDougall is a TV-executive turned parenting blogger who lives a crazy life with her husband and three small kids. Her dreams of climbing the corporate ladder have been replaced by the dream of one day having a nap.