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What if your child just isn't into sports?

Posted April 9, 2009 by Jackie Morgan MacDougall

Ahhhh, springtime.

I have such fond childhood memories of this time of the year in New England. The warm weather jackets pulled out from the back of the closet, flowers finally beginning to bloom after "the longest winter EVAH," and the piece de resistance: spring training.

The beginning of baseball season was like a sign that life could begin again. I remember even in my own household, my dad's love of all things Red Sox could sometimes dictate how we spent a weekend afternoon. The funny thing is, the rest of the family was right there with him.

That love of America's pastime has carried into my adult life. In fact, my devotion for the Sox pretty much trumped anything else - including guys. It's something my husband has understood since date one and he was quick on the uptake, immediately subscribing to the "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" philosophy. We became true fanatics when we became parents. Before my oldest son was even 2 months old, he had seen three Red Sox games in three different cities - Los Angeles, San Francisco and Boston.

But every season's got to end, right? Life with three kids under 5 doesn't exactly lend itself to our springtime ritual of hot dogs and beer, cheering from the front row seats we found on eBay. While we understand that sacrifices have to be made for the sake of the kids, we found ourselves going through withdrawal as the season would start up each year.

So when a friend mentioned she was signing her child up for T-ball, I thought, "How fun!"

But my head was obviously out in right field.

At first glance, T-ball is just plain adorable. You've got a pack of kids in orange, a gaggle of kids in red, with one team swinging endlessly at the ball on that poor battered tee and the other running in a perfect huddle after every ball, which mysteriously passes them all by every time it's hit. Who doesn't love T-ball?

My son, that's who.

My bright, beautiful firstborn child would dominate T-ball, if it were played on the Wii. But participate with the not-ready-for-pitchtime crowd? Not so much. And who could blame him? It wasn't his choice to be suited up and thrown into the game; it was his baseball-missing mom's. He only knows one kid on the whole team, he's distracted by those parents who can't help but bark orders while their kids attempt to have fun on the field (there's one on every team, right?), and it's really not enjoyable when you realize as a kid that there's no chance of actually touching the ball without having to struggle with your own teammate to pick it up.

Seriously, I watched two boys rival Hulk Hogan while wrestling for the slightest chance that they could be the one to touch the elusive ball.

I joke, but watching my little guy do something that seems to bring out his fearful and insecure side is excruciating. What kind of mother am I? Am I that self-centered that I would create these negative feelings in him, all for my amusement? And isn't he really too young to be playing anyway? Ask a roomful of parents if a 4-year-old should even be involved with organized sports, and not only will you get different answers, you'll probably end up in the middle of a debate. My own dad told me that my son was too young. See that? Kids NEVER listen to their parents.

In hindsight I think it was too soon, but now what do we do? Do we just throw in the towel and let my son quit? Or, do we encourage him to play out the rest of the season?

Los Angeles-based family therapist Shannon Fox says it's usually best to stick to the rule that parents must follow through with what they begin. No one wants to raise a quitter. But there are some important exceptions.

 For example: If you pushed your child into something he/she wasn't interested in, if the child is too stressed out from being involved in too many activities, or the child is clearly miserable.

Before beginning a new activity, Fox suggests parents sit their child down and explain their expectations. Here are some guidelines.

• Activities are supposed to help us teach our children teamwork: We don't quit because our teammates depend on us.
• Perserverance: Practice makes perfect.
• Character: when we commit to something, we follow through because we gave them our word.

If your child isn't learning any of these valuable lessons,it might be time to choose an activity they can feel good about.

I think I need to take the pressure off my son and myself and just try to enjoy it. And while it's not the end of the world that he's running the bases when he'd rather be swimming laps, next time... I'll really listen to what he wants.

Jackie Morgan MacDougall, on the never-ending quest for balance, enjoys life in Los Angeles with her husband, Jeff, and their three small kids.

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