Can't We All Eat Together?

Posted May 28, 2009

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Posted May 28 2009, by Jackie Morgan MacDougall

She's the most watched mom in America - rubbing elbows with celebs, sharing a bed with the most powerful man in the world, and constantly changing opinion of what a first lady should be. But Michelle Obama is as famous for planting a garden in her yard, leaving her high-paying job for life as an at-home mom, and her plethora of sleeveless shifts than she is for her powerful position in our country's history.

One of the things Michelle immediately brought to her role in the White House was a new attitude; focusing on motherhood, making her goal for "normalcy" seem cool and hip. In fact, in a recent cover story in Time magazine, President Obama revealed, "Among the many wonderful things about being President, the best is that I get to live above the office and see Michelle and the kids every day. I see them in the morning. We have dinner every night. It is the thing that sustains me." Michelle adds, "That's been terrific," she says. "It's more normal than we've had for a very long time."

Doesn't that sound just lovely? Can't you just picture them sitting around the table eating mac and cheese? Wait. I mean pizza... Hmm. Tacos? Nah. What DOES one eat when served by a kitchen staff? Whatever it is, I'm sure it's like something straight out of the Brady Bunch - Alice (and a house full of help) included. But I can't possibly be the only one who's a little ticked off by Obamas' "normal" life - or can I? Does the leader of our country really have so much free time -- Breakfast AND dinner with the family? If the commander in chief position was a 9-5 gig, I think more of us would've taken the political path.

Ok, I will admit it's is pretty nice to read that the first family sees the value in being together. But so do the rest of us. How many American families do you know who would love to have nightly dinners together but can't make it happen? I know that's a dream of mine. Let's face it, even before the economy took a dive, the family dinner became harder to achieve. Whether due to work, after-school activities or a lack of planning, sitting down together for a well-balanced meal was replaced with a visit to the drive-thru a long time ago.

But it doesn't have to be that way.

Life Coach Linda Tomb, mother of three and owner of Life by Design, a company she started to help women manage the challenges of balancing work and family, says family dinners don't have to be a casualty of a busy life. Many of us skip it due to poor planning. If you find family dinner doesn't happen on its own, Linda suggests putting it on the calendar and schedule it like you would a softball practice or a school function. That way you'll keep the appointment, making it a priority.

But if the idea of "family dinner" stresses you out, imagining a four-course 90 minute ordeal, remember it's not about the quantity, but the quality. Even a few minutes together can make all the difference. Follow three simple rules:

• Consider it to be sacred time -- turn phones to OFF (not vibrate or beep), don't answer the door. It's amazing the distractions that will try to throw you off course.

• It doesn't matter what you eat. Bring in take out if necessary. The food won't be remembered; the camaraderie will.

• Table talk: some parents like to hear each child mention the highs and lows of their day; others like to have their kids take turns hearing about his/her day.

But if your family is anything like mine, getting Dad home at dinnertime isn't always an option. Linda says, "If Daddy can't make it home that night, then do it without him. I am amazed how much my children feel better when I take the time to sit with them and eat, instead of standing next to them cleaning the kitchen."

One important note: Flexibility is key when it comes to creating family time. A mom I know shifts dinner to after 7:00 PM, when Dad gets home. How many of us miss out because we have such a structured schedule? Consider shifting it. Another mom tries to make dinner happen every night. But when she can't, she swears by the crockpot - ready to go regardless of a change in schedule. And one mom has brought back the traditional Sunday family dinners, when she knows they can stop and really enjoy each other, and designates Friday night "Family Game Nights."

No matter what the challenges are in your own family, Linda says it's important to remember that it's not about the meal, "It's all about giving kids space and time. Space to be together, time to be truly listened to. Kids (just like all people) just want to feel heard."

Great advice. Now I guess I'm going to have to start cookin'.

Jackie Morgan MacDougall, on the never-ending quest for balance, enjoys life in Los Angeles with her husband, Jeff, and their three small kids. For more of Jackie's parenting observations, visit The Silver Whining.