Can a Name Ruin Your Child's Life?

Posted December 11, 2008

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Ashlee and Pete: What were they thinking? (Photo Courtesy of Getty Images)

Posted December 11, 2008 by Tommi Lewis Tilden

I grew up with a name no one could say or even wanted to attempt (Thomasine, pronounced TOM-ah-sin), so I cringe when I hear the peculiar names Hollywood forces on its indefensible young. Like the latest, Bronx Mowgli, for Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz’s newborn. Could it possibly be that the couple conceived the baby in the Bronx and later cuddled together while watching Jungle Book?

If that were true for me, my name would have been Newark Chevy; but instead, my mother read Thomas Hardy’s Return of the Native and, touched by one character’s name, determined her future daughter would have it.

In middle school, when being different was unbearable, I became known as "Tommi," a boy-girl name that placed me in the boys' phys ed class. I continued to endure the pregnant pauses during roll call, watching pained teachers try to make out my name. And, as an adult, customer service people struggle with it when attempting to make a smooth sales call. Once in a while, a cashier will glance at my driver’s license and say, "What a pretty name," and then mispronounce it.

Are celebrities declaring their child’s individuality with names like Moxie Crimefighter for Penn Gillette’s daughter or Pilot Inspektor for Jason Lee’s son -- or relegating them to ridicule? Shia LaBoeuf may be a household name, but it sounds like he would have been happier with Brian or Sam. "After 19 years of getting into fights over my name and hearing it mispronounced, I can’t believe celebrities are still coming up with weird names for their kids," he told the AP in 2005. "Name your kid Billy and Timmy! What is the problem with that?"

Los Angeles psychologist Robert R. Butterworth thinks the problem amounts to narcissistic parents and says the weird name status comes at the child’s expense. "It’s like having a mini me," he told The New York Times. "The child is part of them, not an individual. It’s an appendage."

One could argue that Barack Hussein Obama overcame an unusual name to reach the heights of success. Education psychologist Dr. Helen McGrath believes people might choose unusual names to express their creativity and "tell the child and community that it is different and will have higher success aspirations."

In terms of how it impacts the child, McGrath admits that "unusual names do seem to alter both the child’s self perceptions and the perception of them by other people. But there is no research evidence that suggests it has a negative impact on the bigger picture." In the end, McGrath says in an Australian Sun Herald blog, "Names are less important to children’s well-being than many other factors, such as social skills and family relationships." I wonder if Helen would feel the same if her first name had been Apple?

Still, Australian psychologist Dr. Janet Hall recommends researching your kid’s name for all its implications. "Your self-esteem comes from a sense of belonging," Hall says in the Sun Herald, "If you have a name everyone is always questioning or making fun of, it’s a constant attack on your self-esteem."

And if it gets too bad, the child may strike back, like in New Zealand where parents named their daughter Talula Does the Hula and the 9-year-old went to court to change it. "The court is profoundly concerned about the very poor judgment which this child’s parents have shown in choosing this name," said the judge, "It makes a fool of the child and sets her up with a social disability and handicap, unnecessarily."

Even though I’ve had a lifelong love-hate relationship with my name, I no longer cringe when people call me "Tammi" or "Bobbi" or struggle with my given name. I’ve grown to cherish it because my mother deemed me special enough to have it. It has, despite all its trouble, made me feel unique. And it’s way better than Newark Chevy.

Tommi Lewis Tilden is the mom of one and founding editor of Disney Adventures magazine for kids and a former TEEN Magazine editor-in-chief. She writes about the environment, kids, parenting and Hollywood, and teaches high school journalism.

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