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Posted Friday July 23, 2010 by Jackie Morgan MacDougall

I am a control freak.

There, I said it. I try to do everything myself and have a hard time asking for help. When my hubby and I were engaged, someone asked me if we were going to use a wedding planner. But for me, the idea of missing out (and making someone else rich) on the journey to our day was utterly ridiculous.

Flash forward eight years and three kids, it seems the day of the bride has been replaced with the business of having a baby, creating a lucrative new profession for uber-organized mother lovers -- enter, the baby planner.

A quick Google search will land you in a world covered in Pepto Bismol pink and powder blue reminiscent of a '70s prom tux, each Website promising to "take the labor out of having a baby." Just ask TheBabyPlanners.com founders Ellie and Melissa, who "guide expectant and new parents through the overwhelming and ever-changing baby product marketplace."

With all due respect to Ellie and Melissa and their brilliant idea to capitalize on the never-ending trend that is motherhood, what was "overwhelming" during my first mom days was my insanely painful breasts that felt like someone shoved rocks in my bra. And ever-changing? I'd have to go with my not-pregnant-yet-still-enormous stomach that no one warns you about. Strangely enough, when it came to choosing diaper pails or deciding between the black or gray Baby Bjorn, I was cool as a cucumber.

When I first read a post about baby planners on the Motherlode blog (written from the outsourcing-motherhood Mecca of the world -- NYC), I was surprised to read in the comments how many women are against the idea. And none of my friends or family had admitted to using one either. Yet even during a recession, the business of baby planning is booming. For 150 bucks an hour, maybe I'll become a baby planner. Can't you just see it...

Client #1: Excuse me, I'm looking for a baby planner.

Me: Plan on not sleeping, hating your spouse and not recognizing yourself for at least 6-12 months. That'll be $150.

Too much? Ok, I'll try again with the next mom-to-be:

Client #2: Hello, I need the best-of-the-best high chair for my preciously-perfect baby girl.

Me: Sure thing. But first I have to tell you that your grade as a mother is not in direct proportion to how much you spend on equipment. That being said, I recommend a highchair that's easy to clean with a washable cover and has a recline feature. But don't spend a lot because none of it will matter when you're on your third shampoo, trying to get an entire jar of mashed green beans out of your hair. Plus, you'll need the extra cash for marital counseling after ignoring your husband for four months straight.That'll be $150.

Too snarky? Maybe. I just wish we didn't spend so much time preparing moms for what feels like the wrong challenges, focusing on the right gear that will just eventually fill the garage in a few short months. What about the loneliness, fear and feeling that we're doing it all wrong that so many women express after becoming a mother? Where's that baby planner?

Besides, I hate to break it to those new moms but infancy lasts like ten minutes. And don't blink! Because before you know it, you'll only have tiny memory flashes of those first days, popping up somewhere between your child screaming "I hate you!!!!!" and asking for the car keys.

And if I had hired a baby planner with my three little ones, I would've missed out on the thrill of going through seven strollers, three of them doubles.

Client #3: Pardon me, could you help me find a double stroller?

Me: Absolutely! I know a lot about double strollers. Let me share the three-step process based on my personal experience:

1. Buy the cheap jogging one from that popular monster baby store with the bad customer service. You'll barely use it at first because, of course, it doesn't fit an infant seat. But six months down the road you'll dust it off and be on your way. But when you quickly realize the very first time you use it that the front wheels don't move and you have to use the strength of a WWE wrestler to maneuver it up onto the curb...

2. You toss that crappy stroller into the garage and buy the trendy expensive one from the local baby boutique on that overpriced street with the mean lady who glares at you like you're lucky to be shopping there (eventually selling stroller #1 on Craigslist for ten bucks). BUT, when the wheels (which are tinier than the ones on Barbie's camper) keep the stroller rolling to the left when you try to push straight, the cup holders can't hold anything over 2.5 ounces and the recline feature practically causes baby whiplash...

3. You ask friends, research online and find the perfect middle-of-the-road double that pretty much does everything you need. That is until you see the Cadillac of strollers, the jacked-up Bob or Bill or Steve (who names a stroller a guy's name?) that your friend is pushing and actually cost her $100 less than your three purchases combined.

Sure, I could have avoided a lot of money, time and frustration that accompanied my stroller search. And I certainly would have benefited from advice that told me not to purchase that first wooden highchair, that one that wouldn't even last through the first kid. And maybe it would have been nice to know those little blue diaper bags are worthless and that a stroller frame is the best purchase ever. But if I didn't get to experience all that for myself, how would I have become the baby gear know-it-all I am today?

That'll be 150 bucks.


Jackie Morgan MacDougall is a TV-executive turned parenting blogger who lives a crazy life with her husband and three small kids. Her dreams of climbing the corporate ladder have been replaced by the dream of one day having a nap.

Related Articles on Family.com:

Cashing in on Motherhood

The Baby Planners Product Guide

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