Are You a Bad BFF?

Posted September 17, 2009

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Making friends pre-kids was a simple task. She liked what you liked, was fun to be around, and you could trust her with your life. It was all about the connection. After having kids, it goes nothing like that. You find yourself hanging out with new people based on geographic location, common kid ages or a mutual disinterest in mommy and me classes (or is that just me?).

But on the rare occasion you're lucky enough to still spend time with the girls you have grown to think of like sisters, it can still be uncomfortable and awkward - even if you've both become moms. You've changed, she's changed, and you're both flying a little bit blind when it comes to balancing who you once were and who you've become.

But could she secretly want to break up with you?

In another of my informal Internet polls, I asked women, "What is it about your mom friends that drives you most insane?" Let me tell you, this was one topic everyone had an opinion on! One woman expressed how hurtful it is, "When she answers the phone to say she can't talk. Let the machine pick up the call and call back when you don't feel the need to be rude and make me feel like I have inconvenienced you." Another gets a bit peeved when her friend "complains that we 'never hang out anymore' but I'm the one who has to completely warp my schedule if there's the slightest chance of us hanging out."

But what was most fascinating about my findings was that most of the issues could be summed up in seven mom-friend personalities.

Could one of them be you?

Bossy Betty
Betty likes to treat everyone like they belong to her. "Not only does she deliberately make food for her daughter that she doesn't like... one time she put veggies on my plate and said I had to eat it," admitted Stacy.

Lazy Lisa
Lisa likes to use birthday parties, family gatherings or a random Tuesday play date as an opportunity to sit back (usually with a piping hot cup o' Joe or a big, fat glass of wine) and let you mother her children. While you prepare meals, referee squabbles and wipe up the hundredth spill of [fill in liquid of choice here], she hasn't got a care in the world - spending the whole time sharing the latest thing to happen "to her."

Judgmental Jenny
From what you feed the kids to the preschool you've chosen to send them to, Jenny never goes with an unexpressed opinion. It seems every sentence she utters starts with "You know what you should do..." Secretly, you find yourself waiting for the day you get the courage to tell her to knock it off (and let her know that her new Kate Gosselin haircut is hideous.)

Wishy Washy Wendy
My personal favorite, Wendy doesn't talk to her kids, she sings to them. "Honeeeeey, mommy's going to siiiit you on the caaaarpetttt if you don't liiiiisten." Her kids know the "threat" is never going to happen and continue on doing whatever it is they want. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if Wendy could carry a tune - Good God, woman, follow through or get some singing lessons, please!

Suzi One-Up
Have a job, kids, money troubles? Suzi's got it harder, life is tougher, problems are bigger - just ask her. Did something exciting happen in your life? Coincidentally, something bigger happened to Suzi. If you're looking for sympathy, support or camaraderie, don't look at Suzi. She doesn't play that game.

Phony Phyllis
Don't you just once want to tell her you know all about her husband's secret shoe fetish? And who does she think she's fooling with that "I would NEVER have Botox"? Phyllis, we are so on to you.

Tiny Tina
She eats whatever she wants and stays thin. Ok, in all honesty, Tina's a super-nice person with a generous heart. But really, would it kill her to look like a cow just once? Sheesh.

I want to know... what drives you crazy about your mom friends? Come say hi in the Family.com community!

Jackie Morgan MacDougall, on the never-ending quest to find The Silver Whining, enjoys life in Los Angeles with her husband, Jeff, and their three small kids.