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How can parents help kids cope with school violence?

Posted February 6, 2009 by Kimberly A. Brehm

The automated message from my daughter's junior high school sent a shiver of fear to my heart. The school was in "lockdown mode." There was no immediate danger to students, the recorded voice said, but that did little to calm my nerves. And just like during their practice drills, school officials instructed students to stay in their supervised classrooms while police searched the premises.

These days, safety drills for violence threats in school are as common as fire drills were when we parents were kids. But a gunslinging predator  seems a lot scarier than a lit cigarette igniting a trash can full of paper. And added to that, many schools have put other safety measures in place, such as guards, metal detectors, cameras and alarms. It's enough to make kids and parents scared of going to school at all. The situation made me wonder: How should I talk to my daughter about the threat of violence in school without making her feel vulnerable and at risk?

The most important thing to do is to reassure kids they are safe in school, says Stacy Skalski, director of public policy for the National Association of School Psychologists,
"Focus on the positive. Lockdown drills are done to help kids learn how to be safe in a big group," she said. "You impress upon them you don't expect it to happen, but luckily, we have effective crisis plans in place to make sure we know how to respond to keep everyone safe." Different approaches need to be used depending on your child's age, Skalski said.

• Elementary school students need simple information balanced with reassurances that adults are there to protect them. Remind them about other school safety measures, like locked exterior doors, security cameras, child monitoring while outside and other practiced emergency drills. Explain that just because you prepare what to do in case of an emergency doesn't mean it will happen. 
  
• Be more specific with middle school kids because at this age they're getting more desensitized to safety procedures and need more detail to understand the importance of such precautions. Also, discuss the difference between tattling and reporting a possible safety problem.
  
• With high school students, talk about real events and ways they can help make schools safer, such as reporting threats, unauthorized visitors or unsafe actions, and not providing building access to strangers.

It turns out what sparked the emergency in my daughter's school was a bullet found in a school restroom. And thankfully, no other bullets or weapon was found and the lockdown was lifted later that afternoon. While the situation was a bit frightening for me, my 14-year-old daughter seemed unfazed by the day's events. I think this was in part because of the fact that she and the other kids have been taught exactly what to do in order to stay safe. And it didn't hurt that all the students were given a special hot lunch of hot dogs and fries since they were unable to retrieve their brown-bagged lunches from their lockers. I am very relieved to know that our school officials had a plan in place to keep students calm and safe.

Your turn: What does your child's school do to protect students from violence?
          
More strategies for coping with school violence:

Talking to Kids about School Violence

Bombs and Bookbags: Teen Violence at School

Recognizing Early Signs of Violence