Are Older Moms Better Moms?

Posted May 28, 2010

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Posted Friday, May 28 by Jackie Morgan MacDougall

If you've had the TV on in recent mornings, you probably heard them talking about a new study that has shown that more babies are being born to women over 35 than ever before. 14 percent of the 4 million infants born in 2008 were to moms older than 35 -- 25 percent of those moms were first timers. In fact, the surge in older moms has become more common than teen pregnancy, which only accounts for 10 percent of births.

Is this rush of older moms all by design -- a master plan by women who think logically before making huge life decisions? In most cases, probably not. I know I am (teetering) on the older mom spectrum due to difficulty finding a guy in my 20s who wasn't either a lying man-whore or had an unnatural attachment to his own mommy. It's certainly not because I plotted education, career and enjoying my stretch-mark free hips until I was good and ready.

Am I complaining? Absolutely not. Having my first at 33 (with two others following at 34 and 35), gave me the opportunity to really discover what makes me tick. I have never felt that having kids has robbed me of any life experiences (well, I don't often think they robbed me anyway) and I'm 100 percent ready to be a grownup. (With a few occasions here and there when I really wish I didn't have to be a grownup.)

I asked my bullpen of baby mamas -- young and (ahem) old -- to weigh in on the topic.

Ginette was 19 when she became a mom. "I was forced to grow up and be a responsible parent at 19. I had three kids by the time I was 24. Do I wish I had waited? Sometimes. If I had waited I could have finished college and been more financially stable. It would have put less stress on us. On the other hand, we are still young enough to enjoy our lives after the kids move out."

Andrea was 22 when her little guy was born. "I don't believe age dictates parenting skills, or what kind of parent you will be. I believe its how you were raised yourself, where your maturity level lies (I have met 30-year-olds more immature than I was at 22), and how determined you are to make the best of any situation."

Melissa, who was 27 when her first child arrived, says, "I don't think anyone is truly prepared when becoming a parent for the first time, regardless of how old you are. You have to adapt and adjust accordingly, regardless of what age you are and what age your children are and will become."

For Ramona, waiting was absolutely the right thing. "The only downside to waiting until I was older is that it's been so long since I was a kid, sometimes I can't 'connect' or identify with what they're feeling or playing. Other than that, it's ALL GOOD."

Pediatrician Dr. Gwen O'Keefe, who sees moms of all ages experiencing many of the same issues, acknowledges, "It's not about there being an ideal age -- it's about being real and honest about the age you are when you do have kids, and what that means for your life as a parent when your kids are young and once they get out of the house. Too many parents focus on the "how old will I be when I have a baby" and not "how old will I be when they leave home." I always advise people to try to think about both because the latter ends up mattering much more in the end."

For the record, don't think the later-in-life moms in the study mentioned above were planning geniuses waiting for just the right time. In fact, when asked why they decided to have their first child, half said "There wasn't a reason. It just happened." So whether you're 20 or 40, oftentimes becoming a mom happens in the backseat of a car or after one too many margaritas. It doesn't matter what the calendar says.

I think the money they used to conduct that study would've been better spent on babysitters for us exhausted moms -- young and old. Just sayin'.

Jackie Morgan MacDougall is a TV-executive turned parenting blogger who lives a crazy life with her husband and three small kids. Her dreams of climbing the corporate ladder have been replaced by the dream of one day having a nap.