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Posted Thursday, August 6, 2009 by Jackie Morgan MacDougall

For just a minute, stop what you're doing and think. Think back to a time you were in high school, surrounded by critical girls, cliques, and insecurity... where anything you said could be held against you and social events could flip flop between being exhilarating and excruciating, often several times in one night.

That's what mommy blogging is like.

Let me explain. I have a blog. It's a creative outlet to work out some thoughts, express my feelings about life and parenting, and connect people not only with me, but to each other. It began as a journal for our adoption process , but has become much more than that in the past two years. But it's still just that - an outlet. If compared to high school, I would say my blog is the girls' soccer team - not as popular as cheerleading, not as nerdy as chess club. I've met great friends through my blog and encountered my share of mean girls, via anonymous comments.

But unlike high school where most girls keep their thoughts of insecurity and hostility tucked away, insults fly between mom bloggers. On any given day, you can see nasty comments escalate into an all-out war, causing everyone and their blogging mother with an opinion to jump on the band wagon.

While some scoff at the drama refusing to partake in it, others continue to take their blogs (and themselves) a little too seriously. Last year at the annual blogging conference BlogHer (see: Prom), the prom queen of mom blogging started a smack down, when she called another blogger out in a public forum. Sadly, what she was so ticked off about was actually a misunderstanding. Yet the argument turned into a cliché battle of she said/she said, complete with clique rivalry and corresponding team t-shirts. But that's old news.

This year, people were pushed, shoved and even threatened as some attendees (reminder: MOMS) tried to get their hands on free goods. The stories are endless, one even written by the Crocs guy dishing how he was actually blackmailed BY A MOM when he didn't have a pair of shoes to feed her greedy hunger. DID I MENTION THIS WAS A MOM?

What can turn perfectly sane moms into catty competitors, pretending to have each others' backs while waiting to stab each other in it? Psychotherapist Stacy Kaiser  says it's easy to get sucked in when you can hide behind the Web. "On the Internet, we get to be who we want others to see us as, representing what we want. When somebody gets in the way of that (via negative comments), they've destroyed the world you created. It leaves a mom thinking 'This is supposed to be my space. You can't do that to me' and they lash out in a big way. They would never act like that in front of their kids."

Disagreeing publicly is one thing, but why do some take it so far? "We all have baggage from high school," Kaiser says. "Very few people say 'I felt self confident back then.' Most women had issues with other girls; that is part of who we are today. When we are stressed out and get upset, we immediately go back to default settings, acting more like the girl from high school - lashing out, retreating -- and less of our evolved adult self." Kaiser adds, "Women know how to push other women's buttons - plain and simple."

But the blogosphere isn't all about competition. I've made some great friends through blogging, creating bonds with women I wouldn't be able to meet in real life. We're able to connect and be ourselves, sharing our own triumphs, fears and frustrations.

One of those fabulous women is Christine Koh, founder of Boston Mamas who has taken the blog world to new positive levels by connecting moms to each other, providing them with resources, information and entertainment. Koh says it's important to focus on all the positive that's come from the blog community.

 "One of the reasons mom blogs have become so powerful is that they offer women an opportunity to feel incredible solidarity and connection around the ups and downs of parenting. And that's at all hours, such as when you're up late at night marathon nursing! It's been enormously gratifying to hear from moms - in Boston, yes, but also from all over the country due to the general content I offer - who write in with gratitude about the ability to connect with interesting information and with other parents, starting from the comfort of their jammies and home."

While the 'if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all' rule seems to go out the window when it comes to blogging, there is another popular phrase you should keep in mind. Like Vegas, what happens on the Internet stays on the Internet. So think about what you say and how you say it before leaving a forever trail to your momentary bitterness.

Be careful out there, mamas - and be nice.

Jackie Morgan MacDougall, on the never-ending quest for balance, enjoys life in Los Angeles with her husband, Jeff, and their three small kids. For more of her parenting observations, visit The Silver Whining.