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Posted Monday November 15, 2010 by Jackie Morgan MacDougall

Thanksgiving. Like the name says, it's a day to give thanks. But for millions of people, it can be pretty difficult to feel appreciation when you're filled with stress and anxiety; worried that by end of the festivities, turkey gobbles will have turned into family squabbles and the attitude is anything but gratitude.

But this year, have no fear! (Seriously, why can't I stop rhyming?) My mission is to help you recognize those triggers that cause the most tension and empower you to keep your mood from meeting the same fate as the turkey.

Problem: Rambunctious Rugrats Whose little ones actually enjoy the food served at a Thanksgiving feast? If they do, may I have the recipe? Not only is the meal often packed with kid-un-friendly fare (what's with all those veggies?), but it drags on forever! Who can blame them for turning their noses up at the turnip and wanting to get back to hanging out with their cousins?

Solution: How about this year, just for one teeny tiny day, you relax. So what if all they eat is half a pumpkin pie? That canned pie filling is packed with fiber and protein. And let's be honest, it probably has less calories than that old family stuffing recipe or those buttery mashed potatoes. Spend less time worrying about their nutrition intake and keeping them well-behaved throughout the four course meal, and you'll be amazed at how much time and energy you'll have to referee that argument between your sister and her husband.

Problem: It's All Relative Why is it we expect family dynamics to improve, just because it's a certain day on the calendar? I don't know any family without their fair share of baggage. Whether it's an ongoing issue or just typical holiday tension, it can be tough to co-exist for hours or even days on end.

Solution: It's simple, just lower your expectations. According to Psychotherapist Stacy Kaiser, holidays actually escalate bad behavior. Spending concentrated time together with no space during a busy holiday season where stress levels are at their highest, if you expect others to be on their best behavior, you're setting yourself up for failure.

Kaiser adds that before you let others' attitude bring you down, consider three things.
• Recognize and sympathize If you're feeling anxious and frantic, why not give your relatives the same benefit of the doubt -- they may feel the same way.
• Think ahead Is your brother dreading seeing the in laws after dinner? Maybe he's acting out due to that; don't take it so personally.
• Consider this Many of us are zapped out physically, emotionally and financially by the holidays every year, but this year times are tough even without the added pressure.

Problem: The Goal of Perfection You want the day to be everything you'd always dreamed of and will do anything to achieve it.

Solution: Get over it! I'm not saying you shouldn't aim to have a wonderful day. I'm just saying that just because you served dinner on your good china, doesn't mean you should put pressure on yourself to to everything exactly "right." Because you know that either your kid will wake up with a stomach bug or your aunt will show up with that creepy boyfriend, throwing off your number at the table. While society (and ourselves) may push those perfect Hallmark moments, trying to live up to it just creates self-doubt and even depression. Try taking a deep breath, pouring a glass of wine and appreciating what you do have and not looking at what you don't.

Problem: Sacked by the Spouse Do you find yourself breaking a sweat in the kitchen while he sweats over a football game? You're not alone. Women (and some men) everywhere are kicked aside on Turkey Day the second kickoff happens.

Solution: Don't act surprised by the turn of events, people. He's been wanting to watch the game every Thanksgiving since you met, don't expect it to suddenly change. How about this year, you compromise ahead of time. Maybe if he helps you out in advance... you'll even stop to catch part of the game with him. And if you're that upset about doing it all yourself, then order a darn turkey and be done with it!

Problem: Overindulging According to HealthGuidance.org, overeating can create electrolyte imbalances and other metabolic malfunctioning reasons, leaving you feeling lonely, restless, bored and frustrated. And you know how quickly that extra glass of wine can send everything downhill -- fast. Stacy Kaiser adds that stuffing your face can also create inner conflict; bringing out negative feelings, leaving your fatigued and sucking out the spirit of the holiday. And if you're going to deal with those relatives (see: above), you need your self-esteem at an all-time high.

Solution: Plan ahead to resist the temptation to overdo it. Sure, enjoy the goodies but try not to pile it up like it's your last meal... and for the love of turkey, skip the seconds.

As for me? I live by the "fake it 'til you make it" principle. Starting the day with a fun and flexible attitude can be contagious, sometimes enough to create a positive holiday environment. And if that doesn't work? Take a gamble! Whether it's with your sister or spouse, why not toss a quarter in a jar every time your brother in law brags about how wonderful he is or a dollar each time your mother starts a sentence with "If it were me, I would..." Then take your windfall and head out for a quiet cup of coffee together.

Remember, it's your holiday, too. Take control and have a good time.

Gobble gobble.

Jackie Morgan MacDougall is a TV-executive turned parenting blogger who lives a crazy life with her husband and three small kids. Her dreams of climbing the corporate ladder have been replaced by the dream of one day having a nap. You can find more of her musings at The Silver Whining.


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