10 Ways Parenting is Like Vegas

Posted February 25, 2010

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Posted Thursday February 25, 2010 by Jackie Morgan MacDougall

There was a time not too long ago when my weekends started with exciting promise and often ended with me crashed on the couch from fun-induced exhaustion. Last-minute trips and limited sleep created coffee-filled, fuzzy-head Monday mornings.

Then I had kids.

And while weekends are more about kid birthday parties and household chores than jetting off to the coolest parties, I still find myself hitting Monday morning with a headache. That's when I realized that my life really hasn't changed all that much. In fact, when you replace Vegas with parenting it's all pretty much the same. Note these 10 amazing similarities:

Trashed rooms: Of course we're not talking the newest hotel to hit the Vegas strip, but if you were to show up at my house on any given day, it most likely would look like the morning after rock stars had enjoyed a raucous party.

All Nighters: Somehow, going to bed at 6 a.m. after being up with a child who's thrown up his dinner all over your dry-clean only comforter doesn't feel the same as those long nights dancing and/or gambling. And instead of doing the walk of shame in the same clothes, carrying shoes in hand, this walk is to the laundry room, arms full of dirty clothes.

24/7 Buffet: "I want dessert." "Can we have a snack?" No sooner than one meal is done, they're ready for more. But unlike Vegas, they have to finish what's on their plate and eat their veggies.

Room Service: Is it just in my house or does everyone feel like they're regularly catering to the whims of tiny yet demanding guests who want what they want when they want it?

Bad behavior: Like tiny drunk people, kids are constantly someone acting as if they've had one too many. You never really know which mood they'll be in. One minute they love you...the next they're fighting with you... and before you know it, they're crying, accusing you of not loving them.

Time Abyss: Walk into a casino and you have no idea whether it's day or night, Saturday night or Wednesday morning. If you've ever had a kid home during school break, it doesn't feel much different.

Showgirls: A kids' dance recital is just like a Vegas show. Same costumes and headdresses, but just on really small, awkward kids who pick their noses and stop mid-dance to cry for Mommy.

Hype: While Vegas can be a lot of fun and excitement, sometimes it feels a bit overrated. The novelty can wear off pretty quickly, leaving you wondering why you thought this was a good idea in the first place. Of course it doesn't take long after leaving, to miss it and wish you could go back.

Agony of Defeat: On the rare occasion you win a round, oftentimes a big loss is lurking right around the corner. Both will leave you feeling defeated and in need of a drink.

What Happens at Home, Stays at Home: Like Vegas, things that go down behind our own closed doors sometimes are best left there. No one needs to know that mom lost her cool over a Buzz Lightyear toy on the stairs or that Dad forgot to pay the gas bill. If people knew the real story behind the excitement and good times, there's no way they'd ever go to Vegas - or become a parent.

Jackie Morgan MacDougall, on the never-ending quest for balance, enjoys life in Los Angeles with her husband, Jeff, and their three small kids. Read more of her take on parenting, kids and everything else on The Silver Whining and her crazy mission to get her life together on Surviving 39.

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