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There are lots of things that are stressing me out about my husband's upcoming deployment, but one of the biggest concerns is how Jolie will deal with 2 major transitions happening very close to each other: having a new sibling and not having her daddy here. I've been afraid that she'll feel sad or rejected or left out. It all seems so unfair for a 2 1/2 year old.

When I told Jolie's school about my what was going on with our family and my concerns for her adapting to these difficult transitions, they did something which I didn't expect. They offered to meet with my husband and I to discuss ways we would help make these transitions easier for her.

Have I mentioned how much I love her school?

So today, we met with one of her teachers and the head of the school to talk about the changes about to happen in our lives. I came away from the meeting with a much better understanding and plan for how to deal with this situation, and learned a lot.

I was really glad to learn that children, under 4 1/2 or so, really don't have a good grasp of time or abstract concepts. They lack that awareness to really know what they are missing. We had been projecting onto Jolie how much we thought she'd miss JP, which saddened us greatly, but in reality, she would probably adapt quickly.  They had a hand-out printed from the Zero to Three website (one that specializes in early childhood education) about how to stay connected with your child when a parent has to go away for an extended period of time, including tips such as making audiotapes or videotapes of the parent reading a favorite story etc. Other tips included routinely looking at pictures and making them a part of routine activities by mentioning them frequently.

The harder transition will likely be the sibling addition and they warned us that some regression was likely. Maybe she would ask to wear a diaper again or drink from a bottle. She will probably be clingier and needier. They assured us that this is a natural reaction and temporary. What is important is to keep the same routine for her and while important that she is given some extra attention, not to give in on boundaries or lose the limits that are already set, such as bedtimes.

I'm so thankful that my parents will be able to stay with us for awhile after the baby is born to help out. I had assumed that with a newborn, I would have my hands full taking care of him, and perhaps my parents could  focus on lavishing attention on Jolie. Jolie's teachers, though, advised me to leave some of the newborn care (aside from feeding) to the grandparents so I could focus on Jolie who has greater needs and will be having a more complex time dealing with the changes. This makes total sense to me and I'll be sure to not have to compulsively change each and every newborn diaper but let others help with some of his care.

Both JP and I left the meeting feeling much more reassured that we would get through this challenging time intact as a strong family. We were reminded about the resiliency of children, and about just how lucky we are to have support systems in place to manage these changes.