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Invented for a reason

(Alternatively titled, "Grandpa's babysitting!")

My father is retired and loves his granddaughter more than he loves anything. Even more than beer which is saying a lot. So, when we needed a pinch-hitter babysitter to watch Jolie for a few days while her school was closed in preparation for the new school year, we were so relieved when he offered to drive the 3 + hour drive to our house and watch her.

So relieved.

And things seemed to be going surprisingly well, aside from the too frequent trips to get a sundae at McDonald's. ("But, you should see her face when she eats the sundae!"), with Jolie successfully taking naps, peeing in the proper receptacles, and fun trips to the playground.

UNTIL.

Until I called from work one afternoon, and while talking with my father, heard her start crying in the background. I held the phone while he checked why she was crying, and it seemed that she had stepped on a toy or something but was otherwise fine.

Okay.

When I came home, the two were outside on the deck out back, lounging happily. Jolie was eager to show me the band-aid on the bottom of her foot. I soon discovered that her injury resulted in a small cut.

She flipped up her bare foot for me to see, and yes, I saw the small band-aid applied on what seemed like a foot that had been walking in dirt. It was grimy.

You washed this out, right?

"No," was the reply, "but I licked it, then sprayed that liquid band-aid onto it."

YOU LICKED IT? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? WHY WOULD YOU LICK IT? PLEASE TELL ME YOU DID NOT ACTUALLY LICK IT.

He appeared nonchalant and explained how he knew saliva had germ-killing properties.

Um, NO. Actually, the mouth is full of bacteria, it's one of our dirtiest places on our body. And then you sealed it so the bacteria can incubate. OH MY GOD.

I rushed Jolie to the bathroom and stuck her in the tub while I washed out her foot under the faucet. The cut was small and already closed, so there was no role for an antibacterial ointment at this point. We would just have to wait it out and hope for the best.

How could someone go their entire adult lives thinking saliva killed germs? (If that was the case, why did we have to invent antibiotics and hydrogen peroxide when we could have just spit on everything?)

Not surprisingly, the next day, Jolie had a nicely formed pustule at the sight of her cut, surrounded by a halo of red, tender skin and she refused to put weight on it.

Lovely.

Thankfully in a day or so, the pustule spontaneously started draining all of that spit bacteria, and we could finally put some antibacterial ointment on the open wound and help the healing process.

Um, yeah.

_{Disney Family does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Call your doctor regarding any medical condition. Never disregard your doctor's advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on the Disney Family site.}