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Somebody help me

I'm not a big fan of PDA, Public Displays of Affection, not the kind that I occasionally see on the subway where I start shifting from foot to foot, silently wondering whether the lovebirds could possibly relocate to more private quarters (i.e. Hidden from view of innocent bystanders. Mere mortals, we are!)

But, FDA, Family Displays of Affection, are a different story.

I so value a family that is openly loving, with plenty of hugs and kisses to go around. I think this is good for everybody's soul, children and parents alike. Like watering a family with love and joy, allowing it to grow bigger and better than before.

I grew up in a family that was never stingy with kisses- planted on the forehead before sleep, planted on the cheek just because. Saying "I love you" as if generously sprinkling us with salt everyday. And because of this, I wanted this, too, for my own family.

For a long time after Jolie was born, though, my kisses and hugs were unrequited. She would just stare blankly at me as I kissed her round little cheeks for the billionth time. My hugs were one-sided with her arms hanging limply around her. And even when she finally understood that hugs were a two-way street, and what was required of her to be a proper partner, they lasted for like one second. Then it was over. My moment of closeness. In a blink of the eye.

When she would fall and get hurt, I'd rush to her side, opening my arms to take her in. To comfort her with my embrace. Yet, for the longest time she deflected my attempts to approach her. Pushed me away, even. She preferred to cry by herself, as if out of spite.

As a mother, not being able to provide physical comfort to your child is slightly heart-breaking.

On the one hand, I understood her- she's willfully independent. A strong character. A veritable force. On the other hand, I wanted so desperately for her to need me. And while intellectually, I knew she loved me, I wanted her to show it. I think that's a pretty basic need.

So we kept hugging and kissing, offering open arms even when she didn't initially want them.

My husband and I kept our usual rituals in front of her- always kissing goodbye to each other, hugging, sharing a warm embrace.

We sang made up "I love you, Jolie" songs, breaking into song randomly, and always saying that we loved her before she went down to sleep.

And, I am thrilled, so thrilled, that recently, our 2-year-and-2-months Jolie has been rushing to kiss us goodbye in the morning, to hug, and today, to say, "I love you, Daddy. I love you , Mommy". Nothing much sweeter than that to the ears.

She lets me comfort her when she wakes up grouchy from a bad nap, resting on my chest as I rock her, holding her to me. She sometimes asks for this closeness time: Sit Mommy.

The amazing thing about children is that their expressions of emotion, their social skills are all highly plastic and can change given the environment they are in. Countless animal studies have shown that when put in the right loving environment, animals who had genetic predispositions to aggressiveness or other socially-poor behaviors can be changed. We know that the first few years are critical for this social development- this is where children learn how to interact with their social world around them and model themselves after their parents and caretakers. (On the flip side, those who aren't shown caring ways of responding might never develop their emotional and caring responses appropriately.)

I'm convinced that we are creating my daughter's loving-ness. That it took awhile, but, look, she is the most loving sweet girl.

And with our family unit about to expand soon, I'm looking forward to lots of FDA in our home in the years to come.

The more, the better.

_{Disney Family does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Call your doctor regarding any medical condition. Never disregard your doctor's advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on the Disney Family site.}