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Cirque du Mommy

by BuckeyeChristy

Parenting without a net

Cirque du Mommy

Parenting without a net

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Ignoring the Milestone Charts

Posted January 23, 2008
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It's amazing how different two babies can be. While I know Cordy and Mira are two completely different children, I still find it hard not to compare Mira to her older sister when it comes to developmental milestones. Cordy didn't get her first tooth until nearly nine months old, while Mira had two teeth pop out at four months. Cordy sat up for the first time at seven months, while Mira did it at six months. Cordy crawled at nine months, but there are still no signs of it from Mira. Wait - should I be worried that she's not close to crawling yet? Or am I being paranoid? (Don't worry - I know each child progresses at their own rates, so I'm not really concerned.)

But comparing siblings is nothing compared to the cold, hard milestone charts that you can find on any baby website. These charts give you an average time of when a baby should be doing normal developmental tasks, such as sitting up, rolling over, walking, etc. Sure, they can be helpful for parents to notice any red-flag behaviors if a child seems to be behind on a task. However, I think these are the most panic-inducing tables that have ever been created.

When Cordy was a baby, I received a weekly e-mail from a certain parenting website telling me all of the things my baby should be doing at that age. And nearly every week, I'd read through their lists, and find at least one thing that Cordy wasn't doing yet - usually more than one, to be honest. Oh no, she's not turning her head to my voice! Something is wrong! Of course, a week or two later she'd usually perform that skill with perfect form.

My obsession with these milestone charts consumed me. When she wasn't crawling at eight months - something the charts said that over half of all babies were doing at that age - I called my pediatrician. Of course, he assured me that nothing was wrong, and that all babies reach their milestones at their own rates. Eventually, I couldn't take the stress of comparing my child to the "average" child, so I unsubscribed to that e-mail and never looked back.

And then Mira was born. The e-mails started coming again, and at first I really enjoyed reading them. Mira seemed to be faster at all of her milestones, and I fell back into the trap of comparing her to everyone else. It was good at first, and then I noticed that she was late on a few small milestones here and there. Was I not giving her enough tummy time? Did I start solids too early?

Enough is enough. I'm not going to worry about the average child anymore, because that isn't my child. My girls are healthy and meeting their developmental milestones at an acceptable pace. They don't need to hit a certain mark to prove they are right on track. And I don't need the added stress to myself from making those comparisons.

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