Children At Funerals - Yes or No?
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Over the weekend, we buried my great aunt. She passed away last week, after a short hospital stay where we discovered she was suffering from a massive tumor in her left lung, along with numerous other problems. A procedure to obtain a small sample of the tumor left her barely clinging to life, and the decision was made to remove the ventilator and let her pass easily.
As the funeral was planned, I wondered what I should do with the girls. I hadn't been to a funeral since my children were born, so the protocol on this was new to me. As I called my husband's family to let them know (they had met my great aunt a few times), offers were made to babysit Cordy and Mira so that we could attend the funeral. I thanked them and said I wasn't sure if we would need their help or not.
I spoke with my mother about it, and she thought the girls should come along. They're too young to really remember it, so it shouldn't scare them, she argued, and besides, my great aunt loved children. It's true, she loved children, and at any family gathering, she could always be found near Cordy. What better tribute to her than to have the two children she saw the most present at her funeral?
As we got closer to the funeral, though, my conversations with my mom turned a different direction. "Maybe you shouldn't bring them," she said. "After all, Cordy will probably want to run wild." I was surprised by this change of opinion, and after a little prodding discovered that her words were actually the words of my grandmother, not my mom. My grandmother had been voicing concerns that a funeral was no place for small children.
I finally decided that I wanted to bring the girls with me. So on Saturday we got everyone bathed and dressed, into the car, and drove to the small town where the funeral was being held. The funeral home was a very nice building, and so many distant family members were there. Cordy immediately began running around like a wild child, stimulated by all of the people around her. I had to grab her hand once to prevent her from reaching into the coffin, but otherwise she avoided it.
Cordy continued to run around during the viewing, staying mostly in the other room by the food. As it came time for the service, my husband and I knew Cordy wouldn't sit still or stay quiet, so we looked for a place for her to stay. This funeral home thought ahead, however - they had a small playroom with kid-sized furniture, toys, and a TV with a small DVD collection. The room also was wired so that adults could still hear the service while in there. I took Mira with me to the service, while my husband stayed behind in the playroom to supervise Cordy.
That plan worked well, and when the service was over, we drove to the cemetery. Cordy and Mira both fell asleep in the car, so again I left my husband behind and attended the graveside service while he watched the sleeping girls. After that, they woke up in time for the family gathering at a cousin's house, where there was food, games for the kids, and a more relaxed atmosphere.
Several people told me they were glad I brought the kids. My more distant family doesn't get together very often, and I hadn't seen many of them since I was a child. Now they could see how I'd grown and meet my children, and I could see how they've changed and grown. It turned out to be a nice reunion, and I don't think anyone was offended that I brought the girls to the funeral.
What do you think? Should kids come to a funeral or not?
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Children At Funerals - Yes or No?
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I'm a 30-year-old mom of two daughters. In my rare spare time, I like to knit, write and watch period costume dramas. You can also find me at my personal blog, A Mommy Story.
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