An online friend introduced her "token" system to me after I posted a message to a parenting forum about the discipline troubles I was having with Hamlet. Time-outs were not having the desired effect; taking toys away worked, but only when he was misbehaving with them.

My friend's system is so simple, it made me wonder why I hadn't thought of it, until I remembered I do everything the hard way. In essence, as she put it, it's a punishment/reward/bribery/lesson all rolled into one--and it requires nothing more than a stack of index cards.

It goes like this: each index card represents a treat, something your child really enjoys but that should be allowed only in moderation. TV, computer time, video games, foods, and toys all qualify. The child earns a card, or token, every time he helps you. That can be anything you want it to be: housework, baby care, toy or bedroom cleanup, or simply being quiet while Mommy works… Read More

Two years ago we had a problem: Hamlet would only eat Flavor Blasted Cheddar Goldfish. He was eating Goldfish for breakfast, Goldfish for lunch, Goldfish for dinner, and Goldfish for snacks. And he was constipated.

Friends, and his speech therapist, advised us to put our parental foot down and tell him that Goldfish were not an option except as a treat. "He won't starve himself," they assured us. "He might refuse a meal or even two, but it won't… Read More

At the playground the other day, a pair of big kids (about 8 or 9) were playing "sniper" with each other, making machine gun sounds and chasing one another all over the play structure.

It wasn't the first time Hamlet has been exposed to gunplay. One of his preschool classmates' father is a correctional officer; that boy often plays with pretend guns. Plus, where we live in northern New England, hunting is a way of life.

I have nothing against guns, or… Read More

Hamlet has what Rain Dog and I call "boy legs"--bruised, scraped, skinny, and often dirty little legs.

Thing is, I have them too.

No one has ever told me that having children, especially boys, is physically painful after the childbirth part. The best I got was this oblique statement from my mother: "It shouldn't hurt to be a parent." Well, it does. Quite a bit. And quite often.

At least once a day I am injured somehow. An oversized Hamlet toy hits my… Read More

Boris started eating baby food recently. In the three years since Hamlet had it, it's become a lot more complicated.

Oh, not the food itself. That's still the same unpreserved goodness; there are even a few organic alternatives. Complicated is the question of whether to give baby food at all.

The idea is that, since breastmilk or formula is still the only real source of nourishment your baby should get for the first year of life, it's perfectly acceptable--and even… Read More

The opportunity to review "The No-Cry Discipline Solution" came to me at a low point in my self-perception as a parent. Tasked with a major responsibility on the home front, plus my regular writing work, housework, and of course childcare, I was snappish and irritable with Hamlet in particular. The busier and more distracted I was, the more he acted out--and the more likely it was that I would lose my temper and yell.

Enter Elizabeth Pantley's… Read More